Why I Am Never Going To Stop Showing Up
Before you post something hurtful publicly, send me a nasty message, talk behind my back or judge me...please take the time to read this & understand where I am coming from first & why I will not stop showing up every single day.
Broken Hopeless Depressed Anxious Numb Overweight NO Self Confidence Fearful Desperate Shameful Emotional eater Exhausted every single day from constantly hiding how I truly felt behind a smile Missing out on important moments with my children because of how I felt Never being able to accept a compliment from anyone Feeling trapped in a mind I no longer recognize due to all the high doses of medications I was on for depression & anxiety No tools to get my life where I wanted it to go & clueless as to how I would ever make anything better….the answer from my doctors was always more medication or a different medication or another new study Alone because my anxiety was so bad I had a difficult time being around others & leaving my house Highs & lows Every single day was a struggle…a struggle to hide how I felt….a struggle to get out of bed & dressed for the day…a struggle because I felt trapped in an empty shell I truly disliked every single thing about myself Now all of you that started following me on social media & don’t know my story, you are probably thinking there is no way I am talking about myself…but I am. Rewind to 9 years ago where I had suffered for almost four years & had gotten to a point where I had planned to take my own life. I could not bare to live with my mind or with myself~ for one more second, I truly felt like I was living in hell. A loving husband, 3 healthy beautiful babies, a job, a home, a loving family & yes I felt like I was living in hell because I was mentally ill & then I lived with such shame for so many years after I was admitted to the hospital psych ward. I left that hospital completely numb to life. I was so heavily drugged, I remember asking my mom how was I going to live like this? Weekly I saw doctors, then monthly & they would readjust or add more meds or substitute one for another, I felt like I was a science project. The weight kept coming on from the food I used to solve my problems or make me feel happy for a couple minutes, it would fill a void for me. I would continue to live like this for 6 years & in desperate search for something that would help me change my life. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I stumbled upon a blog did a ray of hope enter my life. It was a blog written by a mom who struggled with her weight & anxiety & found tools that helped her change her life. I contacted her. We chatted. I was scared to take this leap & commit to what she had to offer, but my gut was tell me to “jump”. So I chatted with my husband, called her back & joined her. Little did I know these tools were going to change my life:
Fueling my body properly with eating clean & Shakeology
30 minutes of exercise from the comfort of my own home
Daily support & accountability from my coach
Encouragement from the other ladies in my online accountability group
Reading & listening to personal development every single day
So you see this is why I show up every single day. This is why on a Saturday night I sit here & work & wonder how can I find people who need me? How can I reach more people without them thinking I have a hidden agenda, because I don’t. This is why I am so passionate about what I do as a Fitness & Lifestyle Coach because the tools I got from Beachbody changed my life. I don’t even recognize the woman I use to be & I am forever grateful for my coach & family & friends encouraging me daily not to give up & for all the amazing friends I have met along the way. My children finally have the mother I always wanted to be & my husband has his wife & best friend back. I see people post things that they hope I stop sharing & annoying others with what I have to offer, talking behind my back (yes because your children or other adults repeat what you say to my face) or I get messages about how I should give up, but I can't & I will NEVER give up on myself again. The moment my feet hit the floor EVERY SINGLE MORNING I am on a mission to change one more person’s life. I have to share what I do. It has set my soul on fire, given me such passion & purpose & has given me my life back. I have the tools now to live my life the way it is meant to be lived & I am on a mission to help as many people as I can get their life back on track. Whatever you may be struggling with, no matter how little of hope you have left, you have to know & believe that your life can get better. You have to work hard every single day even when you don't want to, you have to make changes, be consistent, surround yourself with good people, fill your head with personal development, get rid of the negative toxic people & promise yourself you are never going to give up. I am here for a reason & I will continue to share & show up & if you don't like that, then do not follow me & please do not waste your time trying to bring me down... I am here for those that need to get their life back, that need to feel alive again, that want better for themselves & I want you to know whether you think you are ready or not, I want to encourage you to reach out to me & take the leap because you deserve to know how good this life is meant to be lived.